In my last post I discussed all about going to the Dr and getting no where. I found out my bills would be paid which was amazing!
Now I will start back with the worst boss I have ever had this man was a troll. He knew exactly why I was hired I was hired to be an Asst Manager yet he would tell everyone I was an employee. He would say things such as "She is no one and knows nothing don;t listen to her!" But when I was around he would agree with me about everything and go along with me when i would take control. This man actually told his employees they could smoke pot at work just not to get caught. Actually went as far as to give suggestions as to where to smoke it. He was not helpful while I was going through all of this. And I even went further and above his head to our boss and she did nothing.
After going through all of this for 1 year I decided to quit and move back home to focus on my health. I was not getting any better with the light headedness and adding high blood pressure to the mix. Too much stress in Iowa with the nonsense work issues. I called my parents sucked it up and asked if I could move back home. My mom told me she would discuss it with my dad and let me know. She called me back 20 minutes later and told me I could. I gave my 2 weeks notice and felt a bit of relief.
When I moved back home I quickly realized this wasn't going to be a short term stay with my parents. My mother was going down hill and needed some help around the house with daily chores as well as driving and walking. Soon it went from a few things to her needing help with everything. So my short term plan has turned into a 4 year journey of taking care of my mother until the end and still not having a clue about my health and still living with my dad. I am now at a point where I can move out and be myself and do things for me!
This is just a slight over view of me so in the coming posts you may learn a bit more about me........
Thanks for reading!
Friday, November 29, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
A Little About Me Part 2
Ok so at the end of part one I was at the Dr office and they made me an appointment for the Neurologist the following day. At this time I was living in Waukon, IA and the neurologist was in Lacrosse, WI about an hours drive and I had never driven to or in Lacrosse. I am from a town of 2500 people and no stop lights to do anything we have to drive to bigger towns but Lacrosse is quite bigger with interstates and all kinds of stuff so I was nervous. I was dating an asshole to put it nicely at the time who knew my vision was off and knew everything I was dealing with and he couldn't be bothered to take me. So off I drove to Lacrosse I went to see the neurologist who said he thought I had Pseudotumor cerebri and I would need an MRI and a spinal tap. The MRI didn't bother me but the spinal tap I told him I was scared so he set up the appointment for a spinal tap with a ultrasound tech so they would know exactly where to place the needle for less pain and no mishaps like hitting a bone. Also set up my appointment for an MRI They were like 2 weeks out so I had 2 weeks of waiting to see what was going on. I also set up appointment with an opthamologist to look into my eyes.
I went to see the eye doctor a week later when I could get in. He looked at my eyes and ordered a bunch of tests and photos of the inside of my eyes and wanted to see the MRI as well. So over the next week I did all the tests and photos and had the MRI and finally the dreaded spinal tap. I was so scared for that in the movies you see really bad pain and everyone i talked to said they had heard it was horrible. So I was very nervous but I have to say I didn't feel anything really just a little discomfort after putting the needle in and extracting the fluid. I would say the annoying part was laying around the next 3 days they recommend staying off your feet and that is right you do get a pretty bad back ache if you sit up too much or walk to much.
I guess I should also mention that while all of this was happening I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay for all of this because I had no insurance and not a great job. While i was having the pictures of my eyes taken that technician was really nice and talking to me and she let me know of a program they had where you could apply to maybe get a discount. And after we were done she took me over to see the lady. So I began the process of filling out all the necessary paperwork and submitting it for review. Hoping I would get a little help with the bills.
It was now time to go back and see neurologist and eye doctor which was same day. The neurologist looked at MRI and spinal tap results and I just kept telling myself I don't wanna know if there is a tumor and I didn't not want him to say that in front of my parents. My mother had been battling her brain tumors and cancer for 9 years at that point and seeing everything she had gone through and how it changed her I had already decided if it was a tumor I was going to do nothing. He told me the spinal tap showed nothing abnormal in my spinal fluid levels and the MRI only showed small areas of extra spinal fluid nothing significant so he didn't know what was causing my issues. He said I would be able to go to the Mayo clinic and they might be able to tell me something more. I was thinking this was all a huge waste of money but I still had to see the eye doctor so off to that appointment. I saw him he looked over everything and said he didn't know what caused it but i definitely had papilledema in my eyes and something caused so much pressure in my head that it actually flattened the backs of my eyeballs. At the time I was seeing him now my eyeballs were just starting to go back rounded so I had little folds in them which was causing my vision issues and should correct itself. He also said to go to Mayo Clinic and see if they could figure anything out.
I called Mayo they told me they would need insurance and copay or for me to put down $1400 cash before I could make an appointment. I did not have that money and my parents also couldn't afford that. I did ask them that since all I needed was to see the doctor there I already had my tests and they were very recent and I was coming from a clinic that is associated with Mayo so its already in there files how much to just see the doctor? $500 down payment is what i was told and if they had to do anything more I would have to pay first before they would do it. I talked with my parents and they agreed to pay it if I wanted to go. Of course I wanted to go I wanted to know what this was how to prevent it. So made the appointment went off to the Mayo clinic paid them the cash and saw the special specialist is what i call her she was an opthamologic neurologist, lol i cant even say that fast. Anyway we went in and saw her she told me everything the 2 others told me and said she had no idea what it was or what caused it. She said they would be able to run a bunch of tests with no guarantee or I could just watch for symptoms and come back.
Well isn't this great I have gone through a ton of tests and went all the way to the Mayo clinic and they tell me no clue. No one knows anything as to what is wrong with me. At this time I am still working but I am still so light headed I have to lean up against the counter to do anything. It gets harder and harder to work. Also this is when the bills start coming in and its thousand and thousands of dollars. I did fill out paperwork for financial help but hadn't heard back from them. I had no idea what I was going to do.....I was also trying to save to move to Holland. I finally received a letter from the financial department of the hospital and they granted me financial help in the amount of the whole thing. I have never been so happy in my life it was all paid for! A huge thing I didn't have to worry about.
That's all for this one I think in the next one I will continue with my job, still not getting better, the nastiest boss ever and my personal life happenings so stay tuned.......
I went to see the eye doctor a week later when I could get in. He looked at my eyes and ordered a bunch of tests and photos of the inside of my eyes and wanted to see the MRI as well. So over the next week I did all the tests and photos and had the MRI and finally the dreaded spinal tap. I was so scared for that in the movies you see really bad pain and everyone i talked to said they had heard it was horrible. So I was very nervous but I have to say I didn't feel anything really just a little discomfort after putting the needle in and extracting the fluid. I would say the annoying part was laying around the next 3 days they recommend staying off your feet and that is right you do get a pretty bad back ache if you sit up too much or walk to much.
I guess I should also mention that while all of this was happening I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay for all of this because I had no insurance and not a great job. While i was having the pictures of my eyes taken that technician was really nice and talking to me and she let me know of a program they had where you could apply to maybe get a discount. And after we were done she took me over to see the lady. So I began the process of filling out all the necessary paperwork and submitting it for review. Hoping I would get a little help with the bills.
It was now time to go back and see neurologist and eye doctor which was same day. The neurologist looked at MRI and spinal tap results and I just kept telling myself I don't wanna know if there is a tumor and I didn't not want him to say that in front of my parents. My mother had been battling her brain tumors and cancer for 9 years at that point and seeing everything she had gone through and how it changed her I had already decided if it was a tumor I was going to do nothing. He told me the spinal tap showed nothing abnormal in my spinal fluid levels and the MRI only showed small areas of extra spinal fluid nothing significant so he didn't know what was causing my issues. He said I would be able to go to the Mayo clinic and they might be able to tell me something more. I was thinking this was all a huge waste of money but I still had to see the eye doctor so off to that appointment. I saw him he looked over everything and said he didn't know what caused it but i definitely had papilledema in my eyes and something caused so much pressure in my head that it actually flattened the backs of my eyeballs. At the time I was seeing him now my eyeballs were just starting to go back rounded so I had little folds in them which was causing my vision issues and should correct itself. He also said to go to Mayo Clinic and see if they could figure anything out.
I called Mayo they told me they would need insurance and copay or for me to put down $1400 cash before I could make an appointment. I did not have that money and my parents also couldn't afford that. I did ask them that since all I needed was to see the doctor there I already had my tests and they were very recent and I was coming from a clinic that is associated with Mayo so its already in there files how much to just see the doctor? $500 down payment is what i was told and if they had to do anything more I would have to pay first before they would do it. I talked with my parents and they agreed to pay it if I wanted to go. Of course I wanted to go I wanted to know what this was how to prevent it. So made the appointment went off to the Mayo clinic paid them the cash and saw the special specialist is what i call her she was an opthamologic neurologist, lol i cant even say that fast. Anyway we went in and saw her she told me everything the 2 others told me and said she had no idea what it was or what caused it. She said they would be able to run a bunch of tests with no guarantee or I could just watch for symptoms and come back.
Well isn't this great I have gone through a ton of tests and went all the way to the Mayo clinic and they tell me no clue. No one knows anything as to what is wrong with me. At this time I am still working but I am still so light headed I have to lean up against the counter to do anything. It gets harder and harder to work. Also this is when the bills start coming in and its thousand and thousands of dollars. I did fill out paperwork for financial help but hadn't heard back from them. I had no idea what I was going to do.....I was also trying to save to move to Holland. I finally received a letter from the financial department of the hospital and they granted me financial help in the amount of the whole thing. I have never been so happy in my life it was all paid for! A huge thing I didn't have to worry about.
That's all for this one I think in the next one I will continue with my job, still not getting better, the nastiest boss ever and my personal life happenings so stay tuned.......
Friday, September 6, 2013
A Little About Me and My Craziness Part 1
About 4 years ago my life changed forever. I had moved to Waukon, IA and was working in Decorah, IA as an Asst. Manager at one of the Subways. The manager was Mike who I renamed troll. The first month of working was fine then the area rep for Subway came by and noticed the store was cleaner. The day girl told him there was a new girl named Meegan working and she is cleaning the store up and making employees work. He said that I was doing a great job and wanted to meet me. That's when troll changed into a huge a**hole, he thought I was going to go after his job. I had already told him I did not want to be manager I was happy just being an Asst. I already had 10 years experience in managing Subways even multiple locations at once so I was qualified to take his job and could have easily gotten him fired but I didn't want it! When I took the job it was only going to be for a little while long enough for me to save money to move to the Netherlands. I was in love with the man of my dreams and was going to move there to be with him.
Anyway back to the troll and drama....He knew exactly why I was hired and what my position was since he was invited in on my 2nd interview. But he would tell the employees "oh you don't have to listen to her she is not asst manager" but while I was there when he was it was the opposite. That whole store was just a huge disaster many many things going on that have nothing to do with the Subway brand but could have easily gotten that Subway shutdown and given Subway a bad rap around that area anyway. So I was working 6 to 7 days a week with this team of employees who didn't know if they were coming or going and didn't know if they could trust what I was saying since I was the new girl. Oh and also he said during my interview with him and our boss that he was going to be the good cop and I would be that bad cop. Fine with me I have no problems standing up to people and having to be the mean one at times. So I was getting stressed and absolutely hated going to work everyday but always reminded myself it was for a short while.
I guess I wasn't managing the stress very well because I started feeling light headed all of the time and felt like my heart was racing super fast and I couldn't breathe. And as I was driving to work it would get worse and my arms would start going numb. I would have to leave for work and hour before start time in case I had to pull over to compose myself to be able to drive the rest of the way. Then I got this massive killer headache that lasted for 3 weeks and it hurt so bad I literally just wanted the back of my head to blow off all i would do is cry it hurt so bad. Finally one day I was getting in the shower to get ready for work and I thought I was going to pass out so I got out of the shower and called the Dr's Office and got right in. I was scared and alone in this town and not knowing what was going on with me and she couldn't find anything wrong. She handed me a card for the local Iowa Mental Health so I could talk to a therapist and I looked at her and said "I am not crazy!" the whole time at the Dr's I was crying because I was freaked out. She told me I was having anxiety attacks and gave me a prescription. I took the prescription for 3 days then I woke up on a Saturday and I couldn't see or read emails. I had to stick my face right in front of the computer to read them. I called the Dr's office and told her what was going on she switched my script and told me if my eyes don't get better to go see the eye Dr.
Two weeks later eyes were still not better my headaches were starting to fade away but still the anxiety or whatever it is. I made an appointment to go to the eye Dr. I went in filled out the paper work since I was new there and got in I saw the eye Dr and he started his exam then said he needed me to do a field test. That is where you look in the machine and you have a clicker and tell them or click when you see the dot. It tests your vision field. I did that and they kept making me wait and wait and I overheard him saying to the receptionist is she still here you didn't let her leave did you? I was like oh no and started freaking out a bit. He finally called me back in he looked into my eyes and said my optic nerve was extremely elevated and something was causing pressure in my head so I needed to go to the ER immediately and find out what was wrong.
When he told me that I flipped out and started crying almost uncontrollably and the poor Dr was lie oh no I'm sure its ok but you have to get it checked out! I told him I was sorry for crying but that my mom has a brain tumor and that's why I flipped out. In my head I immediately went to I have a tumor and just freaked. I texted my boyfriend at the time and told him what was going on he met me at the eye Dr's office and took me to the ER.
The people at the ER were very nice but kind of didn't know what to do so they did a CAT scan and took a ton of blood and tested me for a ton of things. The CAT scan came back and there was nothing there except some areas of extra spinal fluid around my brain. The blood tests were all normal except I was anemic which I have been since I was 15. The ER Dr wanted to do a spinal tap which freaked me out because on TV and in the movies they make it out to be the most painful thing. I wouldn't let them do one I asked them "If I promise to go to my regular Dr and tell them whats happening and they get me into a neurologist can I go home?" He told me yes so I went home and the next day I went to my regular Dr who made me an appointment to see a neurologist the following day.
Ok this is part 1 I have anxiety and while I thought writing a blog would help at the moment recalling all of this causes anxiety and panic attacks so this will be a slow process of blogging/journaling everything.
Anyway back to the troll and drama....He knew exactly why I was hired and what my position was since he was invited in on my 2nd interview. But he would tell the employees "oh you don't have to listen to her she is not asst manager" but while I was there when he was it was the opposite. That whole store was just a huge disaster many many things going on that have nothing to do with the Subway brand but could have easily gotten that Subway shutdown and given Subway a bad rap around that area anyway. So I was working 6 to 7 days a week with this team of employees who didn't know if they were coming or going and didn't know if they could trust what I was saying since I was the new girl. Oh and also he said during my interview with him and our boss that he was going to be the good cop and I would be that bad cop. Fine with me I have no problems standing up to people and having to be the mean one at times. So I was getting stressed and absolutely hated going to work everyday but always reminded myself it was for a short while.
I guess I wasn't managing the stress very well because I started feeling light headed all of the time and felt like my heart was racing super fast and I couldn't breathe. And as I was driving to work it would get worse and my arms would start going numb. I would have to leave for work and hour before start time in case I had to pull over to compose myself to be able to drive the rest of the way. Then I got this massive killer headache that lasted for 3 weeks and it hurt so bad I literally just wanted the back of my head to blow off all i would do is cry it hurt so bad. Finally one day I was getting in the shower to get ready for work and I thought I was going to pass out so I got out of the shower and called the Dr's Office and got right in. I was scared and alone in this town and not knowing what was going on with me and she couldn't find anything wrong. She handed me a card for the local Iowa Mental Health so I could talk to a therapist and I looked at her and said "I am not crazy!" the whole time at the Dr's I was crying because I was freaked out. She told me I was having anxiety attacks and gave me a prescription. I took the prescription for 3 days then I woke up on a Saturday and I couldn't see or read emails. I had to stick my face right in front of the computer to read them. I called the Dr's office and told her what was going on she switched my script and told me if my eyes don't get better to go see the eye Dr.
Two weeks later eyes were still not better my headaches were starting to fade away but still the anxiety or whatever it is. I made an appointment to go to the eye Dr. I went in filled out the paper work since I was new there and got in I saw the eye Dr and he started his exam then said he needed me to do a field test. That is where you look in the machine and you have a clicker and tell them or click when you see the dot. It tests your vision field. I did that and they kept making me wait and wait and I overheard him saying to the receptionist is she still here you didn't let her leave did you? I was like oh no and started freaking out a bit. He finally called me back in he looked into my eyes and said my optic nerve was extremely elevated and something was causing pressure in my head so I needed to go to the ER immediately and find out what was wrong.
When he told me that I flipped out and started crying almost uncontrollably and the poor Dr was lie oh no I'm sure its ok but you have to get it checked out! I told him I was sorry for crying but that my mom has a brain tumor and that's why I flipped out. In my head I immediately went to I have a tumor and just freaked. I texted my boyfriend at the time and told him what was going on he met me at the eye Dr's office and took me to the ER.
The people at the ER were very nice but kind of didn't know what to do so they did a CAT scan and took a ton of blood and tested me for a ton of things. The CAT scan came back and there was nothing there except some areas of extra spinal fluid around my brain. The blood tests were all normal except I was anemic which I have been since I was 15. The ER Dr wanted to do a spinal tap which freaked me out because on TV and in the movies they make it out to be the most painful thing. I wouldn't let them do one I asked them "If I promise to go to my regular Dr and tell them whats happening and they get me into a neurologist can I go home?" He told me yes so I went home and the next day I went to my regular Dr who made me an appointment to see a neurologist the following day.
Ok this is part 1 I have anxiety and while I thought writing a blog would help at the moment recalling all of this causes anxiety and panic attacks so this will be a slow process of blogging/journaling everything.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Welcome!!
This is my blog where I will discuss my battles with anxiety, depression, weight, chronic light headedness and whatever else I want to!! lol I would like everyone to know I am not a writer so I know my grammar and punctuation will be horrible. There will even be a ton of run on sentences and all that but its quite alright. I do try to use spell check atleast! lol I am currently working on my background post and kind of a why I decided to start a blog so hopefully I will finish that soon! I am open to constructive criticism but will not deal with "haters" as they say I will just delete and block. Thanks for reading!
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